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The Secrets We Keep

by Fixation

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1.
Lachrymose 01:10
Stared at the wall all fucking night I am dying through 3-AM-eyes And nightmares of: everybody dies And I’m left alone with me Screaming at demons inside my mind They keep me awake; alive (I’m sorry, I tried) Salvation waits on the other side Forever out of reach I was looking for life Fell in love with death Drew a heart on my sleeve Crossed it out in black I was dreaming of heaven and hell again There’s no room for me in either one of them I see my life in distorted frames Can we please just skip to the end?
2.
Toledo 01:35
All of the kids I knew, they’ve all been fucking dying Glassy-eyed, frozen hearts Fragmented lives planned on cutting short Golden boys and decorated girls are dying young Needles in their arms I can’t say I blame them, We were sold a dream that we can’t afford (We were never going to leave) It’s so hard to find your place in a world that doesn’t want you Move on from this place All of the kids I knew, they’ve all been fucking dying
3.
I was never good at speaking from the heart Dressed in black with an icy tongue A frightened child Screaming in the dark I never had the light to shine it on My closet full of skeletons: Dreams are the misery That only heaven knows Don’t let them see you in the light Cover the scars Don’t let them see your fucking beating heart Wash off the blood Without a pulse there’s nothing left to crush
4.
F.M.E.G. 00:40
Everything you say… Everything you do… Everything you are… You’re a fucking fake There’s a place in hell for motherfuckers like you No sympathy for the spiritual abuse You reap what you sow and you’re left all alone You burnt your last bridge This was never your home You will never belong here. Fuck you.
5.
Don’t talk to me today, I’m running out of all my well-wishes Going through the motions, with motion sickness You don’t wanna see The world from where I’m standing Isolation. Desolation. I’m always here again, And again, And again. Terminally unique Everything that makes me whole Everything that’s killing me Terminally unique The sun is always rising on me, Crown prince of self-pity I never liked the smell of flowers anyway I’ve always found myself praying for rain Fuck everything. I don’t want to be me anymore.
6.
Purgatory 02:53
You’ve been having that dream That one where you’re killing me Poison, pills, and razor blades end the misery (For you or for me?) Recitations and confirmations And not-enough-for-me’s Forgot the words to our favorite songs We sing along, but I don’t know what it means There’s nothing left for us in yesterday; The past has passed us by Slept through our better days Shed a tear for fading memories Before I gave up on you Before you gave up on me Pulling from a well run dry Where we had something to feel alive Thoughts caught in strangulation Is anything worth saving?
7.
Violence 01:21
What the fuck... The endless violence of noise, again The broken silence swelling up in my head What the fuck does everybody want from me? I can’t think straight My vision’s blurred Tired of the bullshit In this fucking world Did you hear what I just said? Do you understand? Leave me the fuck alone.
8.
Nothing feels right When I’m always on the outside My hands are always pressing glass Nothing is mine This is someone else’s life And I don’t think I fit the part quite right Can’t make a connection Can’t fake an interest Can’t sleep, can’t eat Can’t think, can’t speak Can’t breathe The pressure builds up in my head I’m not supposed to be here I wasn’t meant to belong I never wanted to be here I didn’t want to belong
9.
Scituate 01:34
Eyes like knives, Drawing blood to skin Hanging on every single word From poisoned lips; Just give me anything I’ve been hiding in the shadows Because of you I built these walls around myself, It’s all for you— Fuck you. Time and time again, I press blade to skin And light a match, Hoping to burn this bridge I was the moth, And you were the flames Lust or pain, Love or Hate? Die crying; Die laughing They’re the fucking same Fuck everything I ever loved about you, Fuck everything I ever loved.
10.
Black Clouds 01:14
Alive, though every day gets a little bit darker And the sun’s shaded blue (in my eyes) Yeah, “this one’s been a long fucking winter” Ten years (in my head) all I wanted was death Learned to hide it, Lied. “I think I’m just a little tired” Forced a smile, Lied again. (When I said I was alright) Crawled out through your bedroom window I walked home alone in the dark Black clouds don’t follow me at night
11.
I tried to pull down the sky Always running in the wrong direction, For fear of everything I knew that I was missing Collecting scars from always falling down I broke my hand trying to break the ceiling Nothing is ever enough Until there’s nothing fucking left Time stands still, life passes by With a hole in my chest, a thorn in my side Steal from the thieves that stole everything Blowing up the moon and pulling down the sky Nothing is ever enough Until there’s nothing fucking left When I said I was wishing for death What I meant was just to live again Life owed me something more than this But so it goes... I can’t believe it’s happening again I can’t believe I fucking did it again

credits

released July 22, 2022

Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Wyatt Oberholzer
Additional recording by Michael Bifolco & Chris Tremble
Art and Layout by Ridge Rhine
Back cover photo by Andy Walker

Music written by Fixation
Lyrics by Wyatt Oberholzer
Additional lyrics on "Violence" by Justin Pringle
Additional lyrics and vocals on "Purgatory" by Tyler Mullen
Additional lyrics and vocals on "Motion Sickness" by Josh Haynes

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